[upbeat music] The Noon Hour of Madness and Mayhem, the podcast
It's the Noon Hour of Madness and Mayhem. I am Peaches. It's a very clean studio in here today.
Um, it's cleaner.
You know, cleaner.
Uh, people have been walking by, dropping things off. Like, for some reason, Josh brought us this, uh, this signed Sleep Signals poster.
Where did that come from?
I think that was in the bullpen.
Oh.
They're no longer a band, so...
Yeah. [laughs] Hey, limited edition. Maybe we'll have to put it on eBay-
Sure
... for their old fans. Might be able to get a fiver out of it.
I'm friends with the lead singer on, uh, Facebook. I could message him, "Hey, you don't mind if we, uh, try to make some extra cash, right?"
[laughs]
"To make up for the fact that I personally had to buy guitar hangers. Otherwise, we would've not been able to hang up the guitars we got signed."
Yeah. Is Jade gonna put those up or what?
Well, you heard him just a tad bit ago. "Uh, I forgot the stud finder. Uh..."
Oh, I know. "I gotta go to my house and get a bunch of crap."
Well, text him. You- you're, you're more friendly with him.
I, I don't wanna talk to him.
Then tell him to bring the stud finder.
Well, I would assume at lunch he's gonna get it-
He better
... 'cause I gotta go to my house to get stuff. Dragging more things to, you know, be a team player.
Oh, God.
So... [laughs] I know you like those kind of phrases, Peaches.
If the boss says jump, we say, "How high?"
That's right.
No, if the boss says jump, you cut off their legs.
Oh. [laughs]
That's the way you do it.
Oh, my goodness. Or chop off your own so you don't have to jump.
[laughs]
[laughs]
I mean, they would still try to make you, I feel like, right?
They probably would. And I don't know, can you jump with just knees? [laughs]
Let- let- let's find out.
[laughs] I, uh, I could. I don't know.
Can you jump with just knees?
You'd probably need prosthetic, uh, you know, shins and, and feet.
Yeah, you can jump from a kneeling position to your feet.
You know what?
It's, it's really hard to do.
I'm not gonna try it. I'm too old. [laughs]
I do have a friend named Dave who is in a wheelchair.
Uh-huh.
Would it be bad to ask him to jump?
Yeah, Peaches, I think it would.
He has a sense of humor.
Okay, well then, I mean, it depends on how your friendship is. Like Jade, I, I would be comfortable saying horrible things to him. Horrible. But other people, not so much.
Now, we could frame it to where we record it for a TikTok, where we're just telling this guy in a wheelchair to jump.
Du- yeah.
And then we post it online.
Let's bring on the outrage, Peaches.
[laughs]
Sure. That's just what we w- need right now. Might as well start, you know, making AI photos of us in, you know-
Oh, yeah
... certain ways as well. Let's just anger everyone. [upbeat music]
All right, Victor. So you said, "Hang on, I need to turn on the AC in here," 'cause it's quite warm in this studio.
Yeah. Is it not working over there?
I, it doesn't sound like it's on, actually.
It's on. Here, you keep talking. I'll go over there and monkey with it.
Well, so I saw this get posted in Am I the Jerk on Reddit.
Mm-hmm.
"My 36 female husband's 37 male family..." Oh, she's talking about herself, 36 female. Um, h- her husband's family lives out of state. They're in the DC area. Her, uh, in-laws live in southern Mississippi. Every summer, they spend two weeks visiting. The in-laws are great, except for one thing. They keep their house in the summer at 80 degrees.
Oh, God.
"It's unbearable. I do not sleep. It makes me nauseous. If I try to ask for more AC, they oblige for 10 minutes, then complain about being too cold." It would suck, honestly, to live with an old person. My parents' neighbor, Linda-
Mm-hmm
... her and her husband... I think her husband's 86. She's, like, slightly younger than that.
Mm-hmm.
They keep the, the, the thermostat at the, at the exact amount to how old they are.
[laughs] Oh, Jesus.
It's, like, 86 degrees inside that house.
My mom used to keep her place really warm, too, and-
It must just happen to old people.
Yeah. Like, during the winter, I like my house to be warm. But no, during summer, I like to keep my house so cold during summertime that, you know, even Becca's like, "I'm freezing. Can we, you know, turn it up just a little bit?" And I'm like, "No." I mean-
You're like, "That's because, Becca, you got no body fat on you."
[laughs] Like, "Look at me."
Yeah. [laughs]
"All right? I'm insulated, and I'm hot." [laughs]
My dad did lose a ton of weight. He used to be, like, 275.
Oh, really?
Now he's, like, 150 'cause of, he had Type 2 diabetes-
Mm-hmm
... and all of that. So, uh, but now he's, anytime it gets below, like, 65 degrees, "Oh, it's freezing in here."
[laughs]
Yeah. But, uh, but he said he used to be the way that I am, where it's like I would never, ever, ever get cold. I could walk outside in T-shirt and shorts in the snow-
Mm-hmm. Yeah
... be just fine.
Oh, yeah.
I'm still somewhat that way,
but I have a, I have a bad feeling once I reach, like, the age of 40, that's all of a sudden it's just gonna drop. [laughs]
Yeah. I... It, it was probably around 40 that I started during winter needing to crank up the heat, you know? I, I-
I, I do hate my place when it comes to not having AC, and then also I don't wanna turn the heater on when I-
Yeah
... w- in the wintertime, o- of course. But when I, uh, when I go out, out of the shower and there's no heater in the sh- no heater in the, uh, bathroom-
Mm-hmm
... and there's n- my heater's not on in the bedroom, so you have to do that risky naked run from the-
[laughs]
... the bathroom to the bedroom, and it's like the Arctic out there.
Oh, yeah. I know, I-
Everything shrivels up.
Before I- [laughs]
[laughs]
Before I even, uh, get into-
I'm cutting diamonds
... the bathroom to, uh, get ready for the day, I turn the heat on in there and, uh, leave it running for a few minutes while I whip up an instant coffee shooter. And, uh, yeah, I keep that heat going the whole time I'm in that bathroom. You know, e- even during summertime. So I guess I am old 'cause I even use the heat in the bathroom on a summer morning. [laughs]
In this, uh, [laughs] in this story, this lady goes on to say, "My husband's also miserable, but he deals with it. Tonight I told him he's more than welcome to visit this summer, but I will not be joining him. It's not relaxing for me. I don't want to use my vacation time to be miserable for two weeks. He got upset, said spending time with his family and his wife together is important to him. He said he was being sel- he said I was being selfish," kind of thing.
Two weeks?
Two weeks. And-And Mississippi is very, very, very humid
Humid, hot
It's one of the grossest places, I feel like
Oh, yeah. And I'm sorry, but two weeks with, uh, the in-laws, that's just too much. You know? Maybe a week, tops, 'cause you're gonna be going crazy. 'Cause in-laws, you know, they just drive you a little bit crazy.
I, I don't th- even think it's the in-laws for me. It's more so, like, the big family that comes with it and all the drama.
Oh, yeah.
All the stories. All the jibber jabber about people I don't care about.
[laughs]
You know, I don't care. Like, small town stuff, I don't care.
Yep, Becca has tons of brothers and sisters, so it, you know, those family gatherings are always mayhem. [laughs]
And I barely even know any part of my extended family. I know, like, a few of my uncles. That's about it.
Yeah, I mean, I've got a few cousins and an aunt and uncle, or, you know, a, a couple aunts and uncles in Pocatello, but that, that's it.
Right.
And I'm not close with them-
I-
... so we don't, like, get together and do stuff
I don't wanna have awkward conversations with people I don't really want to talk to kind of thing.
Mm-hmm.
Like my Uncle Sonny, he, he's t- always talking about, "Well, we have family in Pittsburgh, you should go visit them." I'm like-
[laughs]
... w- w- what am I gonna say to them?
Yeah, yeah. Like, well, the other day when you were talking about the guy from high school who you haven't talked to in years and years and years and weren't even that good of friends with, who's like, "Hey, let's hang out."
Yeah, he ended up coming out here. We, uh, went to, uh, go get frozen yogurt.
Okay.
Yeah. Almost went to a bar. I was like, "Is Becca at the, uh, Alibi?" I was gonna s-
[laughs]
... you know, bring him there, have him sit in the fart chair.
There you go, yeah. [laughs]
[laughs] Welcome to Idaho Falls. [fart sound] [upbeat music] Well, I said fart in that last break.
Yeah. [laughs]
And Victor said, "You said fart. It reminded me of something." And then walked outta here-
[laughs]
... then came back.
That's right. It's been a long time. It's been a long time, but some listeners may recogn- recognize this sound.
[toy squeaks] [laughs] I, today, 'cause we were cleaning the studio, picked up Pukey the Dog. You, you, no, you think he's a good name for him?
Oh, I think it's awesome.
Yeah.
I, I think it's a great studio decoration. I'm jealous we have it here.
Yeah, he's got, uh, you know, puke all over him. He's a wild-eyed rubber puppet dog. When you open his mouth [fart sound] And it'll go till you close the mouth.
And then if you squeeze the mouth.
[fart sound]
[laughs]
I'm just letting you go with it.
[laughs] I love Pukey the Dog. [fart sound]
[laughs] And then if you let him sit, you heard from my office it'll just start making noise. It'll just start sounding like flies buzzing around, or it'll sound like, uh, it's sleeping, you know, and snoring. The, the fly sound I think you can activate.
[toy buzzes] [laughs] I used to use that thing on air all the time. So I had Jade find me a screwdriver. I was like, "I bet this thing's just packed with battery acid." And it, uh, wasn't, and then I went and raided the company supply closet for fresh, fresh name brand batteries. So Pukey's back, everybody, and, uh, I'm very excited about that, Peaches. It made my day. We also found a knife in the studio, an I Prevail knife. We took turns threatening each other with it. [laughs] That was fun. We've got... It, it was from I Prevail, too. They sent us a knife. Which is a weird promo item.
Not just only a knife, but also a, a, a lighter and sort of like this Magic 8-Ball. It was for their, their, their last album with Brian, the, uh, There's Fear in Letting Go. Is that the title?
I think that is the name. And I don't know how a knife, a Zippo, and a Magic 8-Ball fits in to the album. [toy buzzes] [laughs] There goes Pukey. [laughs]
I don't know if it's getting picked up at all.
I don't know if it is either. We'll, we'll wait for him to start snoring. But, uh, these are really cool promo items. They're just kinda weird, you know? And you asked, what did you ask the Magic 8-Ball today?
Oh, I said, "Will Victor ever shut up?" And then it said, "Don't bet on it."
[laughs] That's right.
Um-
It's true
... what's also funny is that a lot of artists send us, like, shots of Fireball because they're like, "Hey-
[laughs]
... you're a cool guy. Thanks for playing our music," kind of thing. I saw one of those little, tiny shot bottles in our parking lot, and it's empty.
What?
And it's been sitting there.
For how long?
So I'm wondering who has drunken a shot of Fireball on the job kind of thing.
So, huh, well, I can tell you it wasn't me, because Fireball is nasty.
Every person I've ever met will say Fireball is disgusting. They've had some sort of just wild story with it.
Dude, it's just-
Or they, they, like-
I, I don't know
... they drank it in high school kind of thing.
Yeah.
And all of a sudden now they just resent it. [toy squeaks] Oh, there it goes, speaking to that.
Pukey's snoring.
Pukey's sn- we're, uh, boring him. [toy squeaks] We need to wake him up. [laughs]
But, uh, back in my day, we didn't have Fireball. We had what they called Firewater, and it was basically the same thing, cinnamon liquor. It... So, you know, cinnamon's got a bite to it, and liquor has a bite to it. You combine the two, disgusting.
There was a radio show I was listening to that was promoting this peanut butter whiskey, and that sounds awful to me too.
That doesn't sound good either.
Yeah.
Ugh. Yeah, I don't know. You know, just stick with the classics-
Right
... people. [laughs] You know? If you're g- if you're gonna make yourself miserable, stick with the classics. [upbeat music]
Wrapping up the noon hour of Madness to Mayhem, I am Peaches.
I'm Victor, and I, I just keep looking around at stuff that we have here, and I was like, "Why do we have a NASCAR little Hot Wheels car?" And it's kinda dark in here right now.
I was gonna ask you the same thing, to be quite honest with you.
Okay.
There's a lot of stuff in here that I know you've collected, maybe Jade's collected over the years-
Yeah
... that I, I know nothing about.
I don't even r-
Like, th- th- this bag of this balding dudeBehind the computer monitor
I think that was a Brad Royal. I think he got some kind of food delivery, and he asked them to draw a picture on it, and that was what they drew, so we hung it up. But I don't remember getting this little NASCAR car. But after I flipped it over and looked on the hood, it's a Falling in Reverse NASCAR Hot Wheels car.
Oh. Um, listener Cody-
Oh
... I think gave that to me. Um, I think we were at the Disturbed, Three Days Grace, and Sevendust show.
Ooh.
Or maybe it was a different show, but I think, yeah, no, he totally just gave that to me, and I brought it here to the studio and just put it on the counter.
Okay, that, that makes more sense then, 'cause I was looking at it, I'm like, "What is this?"
Kinda like the one listener who gave m- gave me at a remote this alligator money clip thing that's been attached to our mic arm ever since.
Yeah. It, I like it.
It's awesome.
It, it, uh, it looks good. It adds a little bit of pizzazz to video when we're doing, uh, video. We got a lot of weird crap around here. We got Tenacious D masks. We've got a police, a state police hat. You know, and some of the items that we've been sent over the years between here and the other stations, weird stuff, like that branding iron that got sent to The Hawk.
[laughs] Yeah. That, that was one of the coolest things. I wonder how much shipping was for all... 'Cause I'm sure that artist sent that to a bunch of different radio stations across the country.
Dude, it must've cost tons 'cause it came in a giant wooden crate.
Yeah.
I mean, and it's a full-on, you know, it's metal. It's a full-on branding iron. You could just brand the crap out of somebody with it.
You, you notice how that thing disappeared shortly after, uh, it arrived here.
No, it's still in The Hawk studio, I think.
Is it? Oh, okay. I thought Justin would've taken that home-
Maybe
... or maybe our former GM was like, "That's mine," and then walked away with it or something.
I mean, if I was Justin, I'd probably take it. [laughs]
I would put it above my kitchen door.
Yeah.
Right, right there.
Exactly. It's a branding iron. You know, and then the one guy sent a, a foam ear. You remember that?
Mm-hmm.
The foam ear.
There was one-
"Listen to my music. Here's a foam ear."
[laughs] There was one artist that sent me a, a woman's small T-shirt or something like that.
Well, your name's Peaches.
Right. They probably saw Phyllis at the time, was like, "Okay, let's send her a shirt."
[laughs]
She's called Peaches on the air.
[laughs]
[laughs] Yeah, it always sucks when they send a cool shirt and it's, uh, too small. You know-
Yeah
... I've, I've gotten a few, like, you know, mediums or larges, and I'm like, "I'm fat, guys."
Record-
"You gotta up it."
Record reps, if you're tuning in right now, 3XLT.
Oh, and I'm, I, I can't say what it is yet, 'cause I don't know for sure. I'm always doubting when people say, "I'm gonna send you something." But supposedly, me and Justin are each getting sent something. I'm gonna keep it secret for now, but it would be something potentially pretty cool to some people.
To some people.
[laughs] To some people.
It's a red hat.
It, it's not a red hat.
It's a red hat for you to display your favorite, uh, political message.
I'm sure that a lot, I'm sure that, uh, people who wear red hats would like it, for sure.
Okay.
Uh, but it would be an item that I was like, "Wow, that'd be really cool," but I don't wanna say what it is in case I'm wrong. 'Cause a lot of times, we, we might be getting a little extra hype on what we're getting sent, you know? I have my ideas. I'll tell you off air. But, uh, if so, if it does show up, I will, uh, post it on the K-Bear page, even though it is a, a Hawk item.
You know how GWAR is in Boise tonight?
Yeah.
We should try to get that figure that they disembowel on stage.
Oh, God. [laughs]
Put it in the studio. [laughs]
Oh, yeah, I'm sure that would make tons of people really happy.
Especially with what's coming, uh, tomorrow night.
What, what, what's coming tomorrow? Oh, oh, yeah.
That they were planning up for.
Yeah, that's right. Sorry, I'm, I had to think. I'm brain dead. There's been too much being tossed at me today, music needing dealt with, and clean, and go get this from your house, and we need help, we need your stuff. Ah. So, um, wish us luck, people. It's a hectic next few days. Don't forget to come see me Friday, 11:00 AM to 1:00 PM, during this noon hour. Uh-
I was just about to say that. I'm glad you did.
Yeah, I'll be broadcasting live from the brand-new Pony Express Car Wash location on Northgate Mile in Idaho Falls, just across from Fred Meyer. Uh, w- you might be able to win some Papa Roach tickets, uh, and get yourself some deals on car washes and stuff. We'll have more details on Friday, but I recommend coming and seeing me, 'cause I always got cool stuff. But no, you can't have Pukie the dog. He's mine. [upbeat music]
The Noon Hour of Madness and Mayhem is a production of Riverbend Media Group. For more information or to contact the show, visit riverbendmediagroup.com.
[upbeat music]