[upbeat music] The noon hour of Madness and Mayhem, the podcast
Boy, do I love that subreddit, r/stupidquestions.
Oh, yeah. Or is it No Stupid Questions?
No, this one's just Stupid Questions.
Oh, I've never seen that one. 'Cause I go to No Stupid Questions, and there's often stupid questions.
Are less attractive people physically attracted to less attractive people?
Say that again, Peaches.
[laughs]
You just melted my brain.
Are less attractive people physically attracted to less attractive people?
Hmm.
Like, uh, like, me and you are [laughs] less attractive people.
All right, so we got two less attractive dudes in here. Um,
that's such a bizarre question, 'cause, I mean, everybody's attracted to different things, and what's attractive to me might be totally different than you and totally different than Josh and Jade, et cetera. You know, I mean, the definition of what's attractive, that's ... That could be all over the place.
Well, the poster says, "I know this is a shallow post, and for that I apologize. I also understand there are different standards of beauty and conventional attraction, but I'm curious because I usually see relatively attractive males with relatively attractive females. I'm curious if it's the same for conventionally ugly people."
[laughs]
No, trust me, you can be conventionally unattractive and score an attractive person. Look at me and Peaches. [laughs]
[laughs]
All right? You know? If we can do it, so can you. So, I d- I don't know that. It's a ... That's a bizarre question.
'Cause my question is, do old people find old people hot?
Okay.
Do they see, like, good old Ethel, who's 85 years old, and go, "Wow, she's a beaut"?
Well, you know, I will say as I've gotten older ... Like, you know, when you're a teenager, someone in their 40s doesn't look attractive. They look old. But now that I'm 40-
It depends, though. If it's like Sofi- Sofia Vergara-
[laughs] Okay
... who's, like, 53 years old and looks younger than me.
Okay, there's a few exceptions, but for the most part, you know, when I think back to being a teenager, I'd see someone who's in their 40s or even 30s and be like, "Man, they're old." But now it's totally different now that I'm that age. Yeah. The, you know, the 30 and 40-y-year-old ladies can look hot, you know? So
maybe when you're in your 80s, the other 80-year-olds do look attractive as well. Why, why not? I mean, 'cause you're gonna look at yourself in the mirror, and you gotta be realistic, [laughs] you know? If you're, you're up there, uh, you're, you're gonna have to shoot within, you know, your,
your own age range, I think.
Yeah, but, but what if, like, you're taking care of yourself, and you look way better than most of these old people?
Well-
Like, let's say ... [sighs] It's tough to say, it's tough to say what a good-looking [laughs] old person is.
[laughs]
Like, uh-
Well, and most-
Hmm
... people say that guys look better, uh, as they get older than women do for some reason. Like, guys age better or something.
So you're telling me Bob Barker's, like, peak male attraction?
[laughs] That's right, Bob Barker.
[laughs]
Heck yeah, dude. Who else is up there?
Uh, Dee Van Dee is also-
[laughs] There you go
... he's, he's 100 years old now.
[laughs]
Gene Shalit just turned 100 years old.
There you go. That's, that's the, uh, epitome-
[laughs]
... of male beauty.
Peak, yeah.
[laughs]
[laughs]
[upbeat music] It's the noon hour of Madness and Mayhem. I am Peaches.
I am Victor Wilt.
You ever see somebody, and you go, "Why on earth did they choose to wear that?"
[laughs] Every once in a while. [laughs]
There was, there was a picture that came across my feed on Facebook of, uh, two local people here in the area.
Okay.
And I was i- in the middle of playing American Trucking Simulator, but I stopped and went on to Facebook for some reason. I think I went to see how much money I made on that one specific post.
[laughs]
You know, the high roller that I am. Um, but I was talking to Aubrey. I'm like, "Who says, 'Hey, we're gonna go to a hockey game. Let me put on my best Little House on the Prairie dress'"?
Oh.
Or like, you know, there was, uh, one particular person that showed up to the, uh, eastern Idaho State Fair food taste testing event, and she looked like Mary Poppins.
[laughs]
She had one of those stupid umbrellas. She had, like, the foofy, you know, puffy dress. How, how do, how do you find that? Like, oh, that's fashionable.
People are weird. Like, there was a recent time that I met up with Jade, and he was wearing a flat-brimmed baseball hat, you know?
Whoa.
[laughs] And it-
That's a rarity
... it looked so bizarre to me. I was like, "Why are you wearing that hat?" And I think he said, you know, some family member gave it to him or something. I think he got mad at me 'cause I was like, "You look like an idiot." [laughs]
'Cause if I put on a hat too myself, it looks dumb.
You need a-
It looks like a yarmulke.
You need, uh, one of those oversized hats. Have you seen those?
Yeah.
The ones that are, like, twice as big as a regular hat?
[laughs] Yeah, I've seen them.
And people wear them on their small heads.
[laughs]
[laughs]
They would just be- look normal on you.
I, I'm jealous of people who have smaller heads, okay?
Well, you have a large head.
I know.
You [laughs] have a big, dumb head. [laughs]
But I also feel like it matches me too because it's just-
Well, if you had a small head on that body-
Yeah, yeah
... you'd look like a freak show.
Right.
You'd look like-
[laughs]
[laughs] And Aubrey's like, "I have a small head." And I'm like, "But you can wear hats." And she looks good in any hat.
Yeah.
For me, it's just like if I put on a cowboy hat, you'll laugh.
Dude, you, you'd need a big cowboy hat too.
And it ... But it won't look fun.
But, dude-
It won't look, it won't look tough.
You've got the- [laughs]
That's, that's the, that's the weird thing-
[laughs]
... is, like, why is it?
Have you ever tried one on?
No.
It might look tough. You might try a cowboy hat and be like, "Holy crap."
[laughs]
"This is the hat I've been looking for my whole life."
I, I couldn't do it.
You need to go to Vickers, dude-
No
... and try some hats on.
I can't, I can't do it because it's not my, like, culture, you know?
Dude, look at all the-
I'm a guy from Southern California. I'm supposed to be wearing, like, Hawaiian shirts and, like, t- short shorts.
Then look at all the p-
The short shorts too, man.
Look-
The modern-day men's shorts, like the ... [laughs]
[laughs]
When you, when you look like a fat Larry Bird-
[laughs]
... walking down the street. But what were you about to say? I'm sorry.
I, I was just gonna say, look at all the people who moved to this area and Montana 'cause they liked that show Yellowstone and thought that's what the West is really like.
Have you actually met somebody who has moved here because they saw the show Yellowstone and just said, "You know what?"I need a lifestyle change. Universal Studios, what- whatever studio produces that show convinced me.
You know, I haven't met anybody who moved here because of that, but I have met people who changed their appearance because they liked [laughs] that show so much, and all of a sudden they started dressing like a cowboy. [laughs]
So the guy who plays Rip Wheeler.
Yeah.
Cole Hauser.
Yeah.
He's from Santa Barbara, California.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
He's not a real-
He's not a real cowboy
... cowboy.
No.
He's from my neck of the woods. [laughs]
He's an actor. He's an actor. He was in Dazed and Confused.
Kevin Costner went to my college, so I know he's from ... Let me see if he's actually from Southern California.
Yeah, I don't know.
Lynwood, California as well.
Yeah, yeah. Actor. Actor.
Beth Dunn, uh, Kelly Reilly.
She's from, like, England or something.
She's from the UK. Chessington.
Yes. Yes.
Taylor Sheridan, let's see where he's from.
Now, he might be an actual cowboy, right?
Chapel Hill, North Carolina.
That's right. That's a real cowboy right there.
[laughs]
I've seen him on a horse.
Luke Grimes, where is he from?
In ... I think-
Dayton, Ohio.
I was gonna say, I think he's just an actor, though he has went into the country music world. Yeah.
Ohio's country enough.
Ohio? [laughs] That's, that's a-
Compared to California, dude.
Well, okay. C- No, dude, I, I'd say California is more cowboy than Ohio.
What would-
'Cause all of, uh, Eastern California is the desert
... what would get you more of a laugh, like, if, like, you were saying, "I'm a cowboy, I'm from Cleveland."
[laughs]
Like, like, like that or, "I'm a cowboy, I'm from Lynwood."
Is that in LA?
That's a dump.
[laughs] It's a dump in LA?
It's a, it's a dump retort close to LA.
[laughs]
I hate to say it.
Yeah.
Every city surrounding Los Angeles, including Los Angeles-
[laughs]
... is a dump.
[laughs]
All right?
I guess that's true. [laughs]
There, there, there was one guy that was like, "Hey, don't talk crap about my hometown," and the hometown he was talking about was some random place in the middle of California.
Yeah.
So it's like below LA, there's Orange County.
Yeah.
And then, like, below that's, like, San Diego-
Mm-hmm
... all those cities. That's a fine little area.
Yeah.
Right? The second you go above that to, like, LA-
[laughs] That's true
... or all the way up to, like, San Francisco, crap.
[laughs] Unless you're on the coast.
It's a dump.
[laughs]
There was some guy that I just read about in the California Tribune that, um, he cut a tree that was about, that, that, that was tangled in power lines. He cut-
Uh-huh
... he, like, trimmed the tree so it'll no longer be in the power lines. They fined him, the city of San Francisco fined him $50,000.
Geez. [laughs]
What a dump that place is.
Well, in earlier, there was a story out of the San Francisco area where this, you know, virus is going around that's like norovirus, but it's, uh, diarrhea that can kill you.
Wow.
Yeah.
So a million ways to die in the West-
[laughs]
... was right. Oh, he plays a cowboy. Where's Seth MacFarlane from?
Clearly a cowboy. [laughs]
Let me see where he's born and raised. Oh, Kent, Connecticut.
Oh, [laughs] that's cowboy country. [laughs]
Is that, is that more country than Ohio, Victor? I see a picture of this here, and it looks, it looks very, uh-
Woodsy
... looks very beautiful, actual- as a matter of fact. Looks very serene.
Yeah, Connecticut's nice.
You're like, "This is where the guy who voices Peter Griffin comes from."
[laughs]
Stewie Griffin as well. [laughs] I mean, the East Coast, the East, uh, the East, uh, New Hampshire, all of that, very pretty.
It's very pretty.
If you go in the autumn especially.
But the West Coast is the best coast. Sorry, East Coast listeners.
Okay, Tupac. [laughs]
[laughs] It is. I don't care what anybody says. I've been to the eastern part of the country. The West is where it's at.
We live in, uh, East Idaho, Victor. We, we-
Oh
... we're supposed to represent the east side.
Dang it. Yeah, screw West Idaho. It sucks.
[laughs]
It's a dump. [upbeat music]
Victor, I know you've been posting on Reddit in the r/advice subreddit, as a matter of fact.
Oh, have I?
I, I came across your post, okay? You've been caught.
All right. Go ahead and read it. [laughs] Can't wait.
"I, I, I'm desperately craving a hug. What should I do?"
[laughs] That's actually true. [laughs]
"I feel like I'm losing my mind with the stress, crappy weather, and lack of touch. I just wanna cuddle with someone and relieve the stress, but I'm just so single. What can I do to feel better?"
[laughs]
I know you have that burner account. What's your username? InfamousDatabase6773.
Okay, yeah. You busted my burner account.
That sounds like a-
Found my fake Reddit account
... one of those, uh, accounts you get, like, if, if Xbox suggests a gamer tag for you.
Yeah, it does. [laughs]
That's what it sounds ... [laughs]
Sounds like this dude needs to get off Reddit and get out of the house.
The top comment, "Get a hobby and a massage. You'll feel better, trust me."
Go to the bar. Someone I guarantee will hug you there.
Some drunk random lady named Tammy who's, like-
Yeah
... 56 years old. She smells of old cigarettes and-
She'll hug you
... many other things.
You can-
She'll give you a hug
... I guarantee you can find a hug at the bar, 'cause the people at the bar [laughs] generally need a hug too. [laughs]
But see, here's the thing. Like, we could do a social experiment. We could have Katie go to the bar, say something like this.
"Can I have a hug?"
Every dude comes running up.
Yeah.
If I go to the bar-
[laughs]
... and I go, "I'm desperately craving a hug."
[laughs]
"What should I do?"
Every dude comes running up. [laughs]
No, every person runs away. The only person who comes running up is that guy that you got the, uh, the liner from.
Clint?
Yeah, Clint.
[growls]
[laughs] Even he'll run away. [laughs]
[laughs]
He's a modern-day, uh, Boomhauer.
Yeah. Yeah. Clint's great, dude. He's a, he's a nice guy. He's funny. [laughs]
He's all over your, uh, your wife. You better watch out. [laughs]
I know. He has been getting a little frisky with her. [laughs]
He is. You see, he's one of the old guys that finds the young pe- oh, every, every old person finds a young person attractive, I feel like.
You think so?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, but-
Maybe
... maybe. I don't know.
If you're one of those weirdos that are like, "I'm 82, and she's 39," like, that's ...
Well, I mean, the ... What, what's the name of the press secretary? The girl who's always on TV-
I don't-
... you know, Trump's press secretary.
Dude, I don't pay attention to politics, man.
Nah. I think she's, like, 28, and her husband's 60 or something.
Oh, Bill Belichick, he's, like, 72. [laughs] His wife is 29.
Anthony Kiedis from the Chili Peppers.
Anthony Kiedis is the grossest man alive. I don't-
Leonardo DiCaprio.
I, I-
Another bad one
... uh, w- speaking of p- like, you know, the celebrities that smell horrible, that list that we have, we gotta add Anthony Kiedis to that list.
[laughs] Anthony Kiedis.
He looks like he smells like a, a, a blunt out 24/7.
Probably.
Blunt in a ruined diaper.
[laughs]
So this page has been popping up on my Facebook feed. What in the Idaho Falls was that?
What in the Idaho Falls was that?
Yeah.
I haven't seen that one.
Some, uh, lady posted, "What is your favorite thing about Idaho Falls," right?
Okay.
Let's, let's, let's look up... Let's be positive for once here.
Okay.
Because she just posted the thread not that long ago, "What is your least favorite part of Idaho Falls?"
[laughs]
Is her post not popping up? Oh, I need to... Hold on, hold on, I need to go back up here. I hate how Facebook does this to you.
All right. I'm pulling up this group.
I'm a-
What is the Idaho Falls was that?
Click on her profile. Hopefully it gives me all of the posts she's made.
Oh, I'm in this group.
Yeah.
[laughs] I've never heard of it. I'm in it.
"What is your very favorite thing about Idaho Falls? Don't worry, the haters get their own post tomorrow."
Okay.
"Um, so easy to drive here compared to places like Boise. Lived there for a while and not good," says Patsy.
Okay. Yeah, the... I mean, that's fair. Driving around in Boise, a lot worse than here.
Uh, Mandy, "The weather during spring and summer."
Okay.
Uh, it's springtime right now, we just got snow.
Yeah. I mean, spring's iffy. Spring can definitely be, uh, terrible. Uh, summer's usually pretty good, unless everything's on fire.
Oh, here's one of our listeners that actually just commented, "The l- the liberal disease hasn't quite taken over yet-
[laughs]
... and hopefully never will. Fist bump beer emoji."
[laughs] Fist bump beer emoji. Oh my goodness, that is, uh, that's pretty cringe. Let's see, uh, Davina, "It has me." [laughs] She's like, "Ah."
Wow, one of our listeners.
"One of my favorite things about Idaho Falls, I am here."
[laughs]
That's right, everybody. [laughs] Nature, it's, it's not four hours away from the city. You can get, you can get out to nature in 30 minutes from Idaho Falls, and you can get into nature in Poky in, like, five minutes. You can be up in the mountains.
I guess this was specifically Idaho Falls.
What, what can I do to stir up in this, uh, thread here?
Let's see.
For what are your least favorite parts.
Uh, the, the one I'm looking at is the favorite parts, 'cause I guess the least favorite parts is the new post, right? Now, let's see here. What are other things people like about here? Mm, hmm, hmm, hmm. It's a slow down... Yeah, things do move a little bit slower here. Nature, local business.
So I, I, I'm on the negative thread, 'cause one of us has to be the negative one, I guess, for these, uh-
Yeah
... types of things.
Mm-hmm.
Um, people are saying, like, what, what's your least favorite thing about Idaho Falls? Two people have said the wind. Which is true.
The, the other-
The horrible part of East Idaho is the wind.
Yeah, the wind can be pretty bad. I was gonna say the least favorite part about Idaho Falls [laughs] is the really awful podcast [laughs]
[laughs]
That's centered around Idaho Falls. [laughs]
Well, that was the person I attacked in the last break about the, uh, the, the Little House on the Prairie dress at a hockey game.
Oh.
[laughs]
That, that was them, huh?
It was them. And he was wearing the suit jacket. The other guy was wearing the suit jacket to the hockey game too. [laughs]
Yeah, like, I don't know what's up with the Saul Goodman look [laughs] that's going on.
Hey, Bob Odenkirk can pull it off, okay?
Bob Odenkirk can.
Yeah.
The other guy, it's like, what, what are you doing? [laughs] And the goofy glasses, ripping off w- me wearing goofy glasses.
You're right.
You know. I mean, clearly-
It looks like a Britney party Elton John look is what he's going for.
Yeah. It, it's, it's kinda sad.
Yeah.
You know, I mean, if you wear a suit jacket on a podcast, get out here.
I mean, you should. You should try it.
[laughs] You know what should I wear?
Yeah.
Bring my suit jacket in?
You know that outfit that you wore from, at the, at last year's Classy '97 prom, where it was just the K Bear T-shirt and the suit jacket?
Under the suit jacket?
Yeah, yeah.
That's 'cause I was too fat to button up the suit jacket.
[laughs] There was that one year you showed up in a full-on suit.
It was the same suit.
And I was like, I, I was like, man, he's looking like the Monopoly dude right now.
[laughs] Yeah, it was the same suit, just, uh, I was a little heftier last year.
I have my, my suit from high school in my closet still.
Oh.
And obviously it's not gonna fit me.
Yeah.
Whatsoever. But now I gotta go to JCPenney and go to the big and tall section and be like, "Okay, what fat picnic suit, suit table?"
Yeah, I think I'm even fatter than I was last year at prom time, so, um, I have a feeling that suit is still not gonna fit. I couldn't button up the pants. [laughs]
That was the worst.
I think I had to wear jeans.
That happened to me at the, uh, at, uh, Aubrey's brother's wedding. Uh-
Uh-huh
... I, I, uh, the pants didn't fit.
[laughs]
So we had to make a quick trip to Walmart. We ended up showing up late.
And she's like, "What? His pants didn't fit, his pants didn't fit." And it's like, okay.
[laughs] Just threw up she right under the bus.
Oh, of course, yeah.
It's Paige's fault.
Yeah. Well, somebody-
Look at this big old-
Somebody in this thread said, "Out of state jerk driver/transplants, go away."
[laughs]
So I commented, "Wind and people like @JohnPaulJones," who's the guy who commented, "who keep telling me to go away even though I moved here for my job."
[laughs]
[laughs] Yeah. It, it, it definitely, uh, has gotten old. 'Cause people move here for a variety of reasons, and from a variety of places, all right?
I, I-
A lot of Texas around here.
Oh, yeah.
A lot of Texas.
I saw, I saw Tennessee yesterday.
Oh, yeah.
Nobody yells at them-
No
... 'cause they're from the country.
Yeah, why aren't we yelling at Utah?
But again, again, if they're worried about, if they're worrying about overpopulation, they shouldn't have 12 kids.
Well, or, and why don't you move to Aberdeen? You know, you wanna live in a small town, there's tons of them. They're all over the place.
I, I, I-
Small towns everywhere
... I still think about that one listener who used to call into my show, and he w- I forgot what job he did, but he would talk to me all the time, and then he said, "I'm moving out of Idaho, it's gotten too big for me. We're moving somewhere even smaller."
Where?
And I'm wondering where-
Wyoming?
... exactly he moved to. And now, 'cause he hasn't talked to me in forever.
Yeah. Wyoming?
Sure.
Like, uh, North Dakota? I, I don't know.
I just can't imagine being like, "There's too many people here. We need to move back. We need to move somewhere smaller."
[laughs] Yeah, exactly.
Like, there's that one place in Kansas that has, like, one person living in it.
Yeah.
You could move there if you wanted to.
But again, there's, yeah, lots of small towns around here. You could go, you know, small like Blackfoot, or even smaller. Get out to Firth, you know? Or-
Sure
... move out to the middle of nowhere. You know, one of those unincorporated areas. This is a, you know, rural area. Plenty of places you could live out in the country away from people. You could have one grocery store in your town. Move out to Ririe.
That would suck.
[laughs]
To, to be quite honest with you. I don't know why [laughs] people like that type of thing. It would just suck to do that.
Yeah, it does.
Like, my girlfriend's parents live in Ririe, and it's like, "Oh, we, um, can you get us something from Walmart since you guys are in the city-
Mm-hmm
... and we're 25 minutes away?"
Yeah.
Like, what if, like, somebody has a heart attack and you need to drive 25 miles?To the nearest hospital
That's one of the reasons I didn't move to Menan. Uh, you know, I really wanted to 'cause it was nice out there. There was nobody. Nobody anywhere. It was super quiet, but if an emergency came up or, like, trying to drive to work during the winter, you know, forget it. Forget it.
Speaking of, uh, small towns, uh, we, we made a stop in Burley-
Yeah
... on the way back from Twin Falls.
Yeah.
'Cause we wanted to get, like, a McDonald's milkshake or something like that.
Yeah.
And w- uh, Aubrey showed me her, uh, her sister's house.
Mm-hmm.
And it's a nice house, but there's nothing around. There's a John Deere, um-
Mm
... seller that has massive farm equipment.
Mm-hmm.
Other than that, there's the one McDonald's and that's it. There's a Wingers.
Yeah. Did you roll, like, all the way through town down, uh-
Yeah
... Overland?
We went to the, on the bridge and everything.
Okay. So did, did, did you make it to Taco Bandito?
Uh, no.
Okay.
I'm like, "Let's get out of here." I'm like, "This is awful." [laughs]
[laughs]
I'm like, "I wanna get back to Idaho Falls where there's establishments." [laughs]
That's the good choice.
[laughs]
I mean, if you have to stop in Burley, just get out as fast as possible.
[laughs]
Just leave that... We've talked about dumps on this show-
Yeah
... a few times today. You wanna talk about dumps, Burley, Rupert.
Yeah. Would you-
Dump
... accept a job from there if they paid you a whole lot more money?
Oh.
That, that's the big question. How much would-
How much would they have to pay me to work in Burley again?
[laughs] That's good to peach their own question.
Yeah.
How much would you have to get paid to w- live in Burley? [laughs]
[laughs] It would have to be a lot of money.
I, I'm still-
A lot
... I'm thinking one of these days we're actually gonna, a, a, an actual, like, livid listener that lives in Burley that-
Good
... is gonna call in and be like, "You guys need to stop making fun of my town."
That town's a dump. I don't care what anybody says. I lived there. I know the town. I worked there for, like, 10 years. It is a dump.
And I, I just took a complete... Uh, I just insulted, what's it called? The, the, um, basically most of California-
Yeah
... [laughs] during this hour.
Exactly.
Yeah.
So I-
LA sucks
I think we're pl-
Obviously
... we're playing it even.
Yeah.
[laughs] We're calling out all the dumps everywhere today.
Wanna move to Bakersfield? Oh, geez.
[laughs]
Fresno.
Fro-
Modesto.
Yeah, I hear Fresno's awesome.
Stockton.
[laughs] Forget it. [upbeat music]
The noon hour of Madness and Mayhem is a production of Riverbend Media Group. For more information or to contact the show, visit riverbendmediagroup.com. [upbeat music]