[upbeat music] The noon hour of Madness and Mayhem, the podcast.
This is the noon hour of Madness and Mayhem. How's Peaches today?
Today is the, the superior holiday of March. Forget St. Patrick's Day tomorrow.
[laughs]
It's just an excuse for people to drink all they want. Today is the real day you should drink, because it's Austin 3:16 Day.
[laughs] Yeah, I was gonna say, today's another drinking holiday.
What?
[laughs] I just barely saw your post pop up.
[laughs]
So I was gonna bring that up.
Please-
Funny enough, you were ready
... please tell me you have two sort of, like, sparkling water beverages over there.
I, I don't. I don't have anything. Well, I have soda.
Oh, you got ... You got some sodas in your, in your [laughs] office.
That's a big mess.
We might have to sacrifice the, uh-
Oh, geez
... we might have to sacrifice it for some social media content.
Just get all sticky and covered-
Because-
... with soda
... that's how you can get away with office shenanigans.
[laughs] It's like, "It's Austin 3:16 Day."
It's, it's content creation.
[laughs] That's true.
I ... What, what did he usually come out and smash over himself? Was it just-
Uh, beer
... just Budweiser?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Well, I guess they're both a sticky, smelly mess. I don't know. It's a nice day out, isn't it? Not too cold outside.
It should be pretty nice, uh, towards the, uh, afternoon.
Yeah.
Let's see here.
I haven't stepped out there yet, but I know in the next few days it's supposed to be, like, in the 70s.
I know. I gotta get my snow tires off.
Yeah, I gotta, I gotta get my shorts on.
Uh, speaking of-
That's what I gotta do
... speaking of cars, I keep seeing this post pop up, and I don't know if you've seen it as well, this, about this 1954 Rolls-Royce Silver Wraith.
No.
Um-
Is it for sale?
It was a one-off limousine famous for featuring a gold-plated toilet hidden under the rear seat.
Oh my goodness.
But there was no waste tank, a waste holding tank, so it would just go right onto the street.
[laughs] That's great.
[laughs] Uh,
but I, I, I guess, um, people were more so using that, the, the toilet, quote-unquote, um, they just used it to chill their champagne instead.
Oh, okay. Well, you'd hope they cleaned it out real good before putting beverages [laughs] in there, 'cause I'm sure somebody used it for its intended purpose.
It was 1954. I don't think they really cared all that much back then.
Probably not. Uh, let me see a picture of the car.
Um, yeah, I'll show you.
'Cause I thought, if I've seen a Wraith before, they look pretty cool.
Look, look at the toilet, the gold-
Wow
... like, circle.
That is a toilet built into the seat. [laughs] Dude, that'd be so gross. Somebody's driving, you know, you're s- with your friends, and one of your friends, "I gotta go."
[laughs]
You're like, "No. Nap time."
Use, use the car toilet.
[laughs] Don't use the car toilet.
[laughs]
Disgusting. [upbeat music] It's the noon hour of Madness and Mayhem. I'm Victor.
I'm Peaches, and I found a great new, uh, Facebook group for something that I, I wanna do when my special day comes.
Okay.
It's called Wedding Cele- uh, Celebrity Contact.
Wedding Celebrity Contact. All right. I'm gonna pull this up here.
It's people sharing addresses of famous celebrities.
[laughs]
Not even, like, their home address, more so, like, their record label, um, their, uh, acting agency, stuff like that.
All right.
So they can invite them to their wedding and see what happens.
They're-
Bill- Billie Eilish sent a, a note to somebody that ... And, and said, like, "Congratulations. You guys are the best," and even autographed it for them.
Wow. Yeah, I found two different groups, uh, one of which, I guess you gotta join before you can see anything. The other one, um, I was able to bring up here, and, uh, I'm looking at, uh ... Oh, that's the Billie Eilish post. Yeah.
I have screenshots of, uh, Motionless in White's address for, like, their, uh-
[laughs] Nice
... probably that's just their record label. Yeah, their record ... Yeah.
Okay. All right.
Even though we have [laughs] record contacts.
This is kinda weird. Yeah, people just ask, "Anybody got contact information for all these people?"
Yeah. Does anyone have WWE contacts?
[laughs]
Apparently if you send it to, like, their headquarters-
Mm-hmm
... specifically for that wrestler, then they'll, they'll, they'll transfer it to the wrestler.
Wow. Huh, I never thought of doing such a thing. And I mean, even if they just send a card, that's pretty nice of them. You know, that's pretty cool.
I gotta invite Shaq to my wedding.
[laughs] You, you gotta do it. I'll hit up Maynard. Come on, buddy.
[laughs]
Please come with.
Oh, that reminds me, I just had a dream about him.
Oh, did you, Peaches?
Two ... A few nights ago. Not like that. But I did have a dream about him where he was a complete and utter d-bag to me.
[laughs]
He was just rude as all heck. And he wanted me to play in this, like, symphony band.
[laughs] Okay.
And I, I, I guess I lied to him in the dream saying I could play a certain instrument.
[laughs]
So he's like, "Why don't you join my symphony?" I'm like, "Fine." So then I freaked out when he left, 'cause I know nothing about how to play any instrument, except for, like, maybe the drums, but that's about it. But I barely know to play them. And so I then call my former close best friend Bobby, and he wa- uh, he blocked my phone number, and so he didn't answer. But then he magically pops up out of nowhere. I'm like, "Bobby, you gotta work with Maynard James Keenan.
[laughs]
You gotta take my spot in his symphony band." [laughs]
Oh my gosh. [laughs] Did he do it?
Yeah, he did it, but then he, like, left a, a quarter of the way into the recording session, 'cause he's all like, "Yeah, I gotta go to a gig after this. I'll see ya." And he just got ... gets up and leaves.
[laughs]
And Maynard's like, "What's going on?" And apparently, like, I was in my underpants, like, the whole time. I look down, I see my boxers. [laughs]
[laughs]
So it was a wild ride.
[upbeat music] Well, Peaches just stumbled across a post that just goes to show, Peaches, there's someone for everyone. You know? I find this, uh, kinda romantic. [laughs]
Can we interview some of these people that have these weird kinks and such? 'Cause I would love to know why exactly they like that so much.
Dude, um-Everybody's into different things, and, um, everybody's into different shapes and sizes, and, well, go ahead and read the post, everybody, Peaches.
Um, I got fat for my wife is the headline.
[laughs] That's a good husband right there. Yeah.
Two, two years ago, my wife and I were out at a bar, and she got quite drunk and opened up to me about the fact that she had always had a thing for bigger dudes and had fantasized about me getting fat since we started dating. I was shocked and didn't really know how to respond. I was regular-sized at the time. Some serious conversations over the following days ensued, and we decided I would entertain the idea for a bit, see where things went. Two years later, I'm a fat guy.
[laughs]
And our relationship has never been stronger.
[laughs]
Ask me anything.
[laughs]
Someone said, Morgan Freeman voiceover, "The relationship got stronger, as did their kitchen chairs."
[laughs] Oh, yeah, usually, uh, those type of situations, it's the opposite. You know, somebody goes, "You need to slim down."
Right, yeah.
You know?
I'm telling myself that.
"You're, you're getting too fat."
I went to the, uh, I went to a doctor recently, and we stepped on that scale-
Ugh
... and they showed me it in pounds. It was like, oh, okay.
Yeah.
Well, now's the time to walk around the green belt till I pass out.
Yeah, I had the same thing happen the last time I went to the doctor. I was like, oh, geez.
It- it's getting to that point where they're like, "Hey, you want, you might wanna go on Ozempic."
[laughs]
And I'm like, "Well, I don't want the jab."
That's right.
[laughs]
Ah, jab me in the guts. Ah. Well, and-
Well, this g- this guy went on to say he weighed 80 kilograms at the time.
Which is... How much is that in pounds?
I don't know. I'm not European.
Let me look this up. These, these foreigners. This is America. 80 k- in-
How many cheeseburgers do you weigh?
To... lbs. It's about a... He was about 176 pounds.
Well, now he's 105 kilograms.
Okay, let's, uh, let's up this here. 231 pounds. So that's-
Wow, what a fatty.
[laughs] Does he say how tall he is?
Um.
'Cause I'm wondering here. 'Cause, uh-
Nothing about his height
... you know, if he's about my height and 231, he'd be, you know, fairly big. [laughs] 'Cause I know I'm fairly big, and I'm not at 235. [laughs]
This guy said, "The complete opposite happened to me. I went from 312 pounds to 193, and my fiance lost attraction to me."
Wow.
"I then found a conventionally attractive woman, [laughs] couldn't tolerate her, and now I stick to men." [laughs]
Okay. Hey.
[laughs]
You know what?
I mean, that's the thing.
[laughs]
People will find someone eventually.
Exactly. There's someone for everybody out there. [laughs]
[laughs]
Yeah, you got a, a current spouse or significant other who's criticizing your weight.
Oh.
Go find someone who's into that dad bod.
Someone just said this was obviously just an excuse for her to get fat.
[laughs] Oh, gee.
[laughs]
[upbeat music] This is the Noon Hour of Madness and Mayhem. I'm Victor.
I'm Peaches, and this, uh, liberal just went to r/advice-
Uh-oh
... on Reddit.
Uh-oh.
Cue the Californians taking over spiel.
[laughs]
Um, well, somebody asked the question, "How do I, uh, break up with my girlfriend without feeling bad about her and her daughter most likely having to live a worse quality of life because of it?"
All right. I mean, that's a tough situation to be in, for sure. You know, breakups can be hard. And, uh, you just gotta put yourself first sometimes, you know? Gotta think about what's in your own best interest.
I think you shouldn't really be sad whatsoever if you break up with somebody. It's like you stabbing yourself and wondering why you're bleeding, you know?
[laughs]
It just, it just doesn't make any sense to me.
Well-
Like, it's like you, you ended something fun for yourself and now you're sad about it.
Well-
I shot the dog. No kidding.
[laughs] Oh, geez, Peaches.
Like, [laughs] like you, you pulled the trigger. Like, why, why are you sad?
[laughs] Oh, my goodness. Yeah, um, but it could still be sad. You know, maybe it was like, uh, I don't know. Any time you dedicate a lot of your life to something, you know, even if you know it's time to change, it, it can be a little bit, uh, of a downer, I guess, you know? But what, what, what kind of advice are they giving him?
Um, let's see.
I mean, sadly, even if she has a kid, you know, you gotta put yourself first. Can't be helping other people if you're not doing good for yourself.
Yeah, basically just overall says he doesn't care about the relationship anymore and that, uh, that's perfectly reasonable to not wanna be with that person who isn't honest with you. So, but apparently there's a whole post here.
So they got a lot of problems.
Yeah.
Yeah. All right. Yeah, if it was just, you know, eh, I'm bored. [laughs]
I'm 29 and she's 41.
All right. You know, that, and that could be part of the struggle there, too. Age difference. You know, if you're not on the same page.
You would know, Victor, right? [laughs]
Well, thankfully, you know, guys are immature. [laughs] So I'm on the same page
as Becca, you know?
[laughs]
Well, I'm not saying she's immature, just-
[laughs] Oh, yeah?
[laughs]
This fart machine?
[laughs]
She's not immature?
[laughs] Hey, using a fart machine at work isn't immature. It's just funny. [laughs]
All right, whatever you say.
[laughs] Yeah, we sit around, watch fart videos, laugh, you know?
Ask them the advice subreddit.
[laughs]
Is owning- is using a fart machine at a bar considered immature?
[laughs] [upbeat music] The Noon Hour of Madness and Mayhem is a production of Riverbend Media Group. For more information or to contact the show, visit riverbendmediagroup.com. [upbeat music]