[upbeat music] The noon hour of Madness and Mayhem, the podcast. [upbeat music] Peaches, I think Classy ripped off one of our old bits, 'cause we've had this discussion before, haven't we?
Yeah, I, I, I, I think so.
Fighting people in the office-
Sure
... who we think we could take? I'll take anybody in this office. [chuckles]
I, I, I can easily take everybody except for Colby.
Colby's pretty tough from what I hear.
Colby's a powerlifter, [chuckles] and I don't wanna mess with that guy.
Yeah. Yeah, I like to go after the smaller guys.
Yeah, go for ... Go after Maddie. [laughing]
Yeah, sure. [laughing]
Go after Melissa. [laughing]
Just fight the tiny girls in the office.
[laughing]
That'd be pretty pathetic.
Josh, you know, obviously.
Me and Josh are pretty evenly matched size-wise.
Yeah, the only matchup for me is Colby, and I'm not gonna take that guy on.
Oh, dude, that'd be really cool. Maybe we can, uh, get Lieutenant Crane to bust out his, uh, his octagon. He's got a cage. And he and Colby just, just pummel each other. [laughing]
[laughing]
We might be able to get some people out, sell some tickets. [laughing] Yeah, I, I was kind of amazed that Classy would have that discussion. Doesn't seem like a very classy bet.
Well, they need to. They need to spice it up over there.
I agree. I agree. It's good to see that they're getting a little bit wild. Now-
Little bit?
But, a little ... I mean, they're talking about fighting people in the office. That's pretty out of control for Classy.
I would say, I would say for Classy, it, it ... For a successful morning show, you gotta a- at least make five old women upset each week.
[chuckles] Absolutely, for sure. Now, Josh said he would wanna fight me, and that's fine, 'cause we're pretty evenly matched. But it's like, why wouldn't you just take the easy target and go with Jade? All you gotta do is hit him once in the back. He's done. [chuckles] Just give him a nice kick to the side, and, you know, he'll just crumple. You know?
Yeah, all, all my ... All the opponents here would be rather sad, you know, for- besides Colby for me. Uh, 'cause i- if I were to take on Chantelle like she wants to take me on, i- if I win, I lose.
Exactly. Yeah, you're, you're not gonna win-
I'm beating up a middle-aged mom.
[chuckles] Exactly, Peaches. That would not be cool. I'm pretty sure that, uh, the community in general would frown on that.
Right.
But yeah, uh, it was interesting having them stop by and tell me that's what they were talking about. [laughing] Like, yeah, I-
Yeah, Chantelle's tactic was that, to kick me in the shins. I'm like: "Try to kick me in the shins as hard as you can."
You got pretty big shins.
And t- uh, I'll tell you if it's painful or not. [laughing]
[upbeat music] Okay, Peaches, I was reading this post online that was making me laugh, so I figured I'd share it with you, and maybe you can, uh, give this, this person some advice on Reddit. This is in the hygiene subreddit. [chuckles]
Oh, no.
I don't know why that's popping up on my feed now.
[chuckles]
Hygiene. You know, I don't recall talking-
Oh
... too much about zits and stuff recently.
That reminds me. Um, I went swimming over the past weekend-
Mm-hmm
... and, uh, I did not go sh- I did not shower beforehand. [chuckles]
Peaches, that's disgusting!
[laughing]
Disgusting.
Just jumped right in there.
Spreading your filth into the, into the pool.
And there was about, like, 20 kids in there and everything.
Ah, and they, I'm sure, didn't shower off either. I'm never going swimming anywhere again, natural waters, pools. Too many [chuckles] dirty people everywhere. You need to go to the hygiene subreddit. Spend some time there, Peaches. [laughing] So this, this one made me laugh. So this guy says, "A girl I..." Well, or it could be a, a woman who wrote the post. I don't know. "A girl I work with is constantly scratching at her head, face, nose, ears, and back, and then eats the dead skin she scraped off in front of everyone on Zoom calls." [laughing] "She obviously doesn't think anyone else notices. No one else has said anything to me about it. She scratches or picks at herself, looks at her fingernails, and eats it the entire meeting. She's young, beautiful, smart, and is so sweet."
Yeah, beautiful. Yeah, right.
[laughing]
I ... If there's one thing I've learned, women have a, a loose definition of the word beautiful.
[laughing]
Like when they try to tell you their friend's pretty, and you go, "Whoa!" [chuckles]
Well, I don't know if it was a guy or a girl who wrote the post. Uh-
Yeah
... they said, "I feel bad for her, but it is disgusting. It is making it really hard to focus during meetings. Do you tell her and risk crushing her or live and let live?" What would you do, Peaches? [laughing]
Just send the Reddit post to her. [laughing]
I saw this random post online, and it made me think of you.
Yeah. Yeah.
[laughing]
Wait, so you're telling me she's scratching her head, face-
It says, "Head, face, nose, ears, and back."
So head, face, nose, ears, and back. How much dead skin do you have-
[chuckles]
... on those, uh, uh, on that area? 'Cause, like, for me, I, I could scratch my face all day. There's no dead skin.
Yeah, she needs, uh-
Is she exfoliating hard?
One of those ... That's what I'm saying. She needs an exfoliating cloth or something like that, you know, or some lotion. [chuckles] Maybe that's what you do, is buy her some lotion and don't say anything.
'Cause, like, I know right now it's that-
Facial moisturizer
... it's that weird time of the year where your hands get very dry, and you have to put lotion on.
Oh, I know. Yeah, my hands are ... You reminded me I need to do that. They're, they're gonna start cracking soon.
Yeah, mine did yesterday, and so I put some lotion on.
So what if I start scratching the dead skin on my hands and just eating it in front of you, Peaches? [laughing]
Just, sure. Uh, I, I wouldn't really think anything crazy of it, 'cause I know it's you.
[laughing]
That's the funny part. But if it was, like, uh, like, uh, Melissa doing it-
Melissa or Maddie or something?
I mean, Maddie's kind of off the rails. What I'm talking about, like-
That's ... Okay, yeah, Maddie, it might not be too big of a surprise. [chuckles]
Yeah, but, like, Melissa or Savannah or-
[laughing]
... who else in here? Maybe Andrea. [laughing]
[laughing] Andrea. Oh, geez.
[laughing]
[chuckles] Yeah, I, I think, uh, I would just try, you know, like, a nice gift basket. You know, it's not, like, um, Valentine's Day yet, so you wouldn't seem like a weirdo if you just: "Hey, I ended up getting this basket of facial moisturizer and lotion for Christmas that I don't need. Would you like it?" And then you don't have to say, "Stop eating all your dead skin" on the Zoom call.
Just be that person. I mean, who cares? Qu- don't play coy. Just let them know, "Hey, you're freaking me out."
... It's the noon hour of madness and mayhem. I'm Victor.
I'm Peaches, and I have no idea where this post is going to go, but we're gonna talk about it anyway and see what happens.
Okay.
So, uh, what was it? Yesterday, we were talking about confessions, people's, like... Uh, uh, 'cause you said the government went on to Reddit and said-
[laughs] Oh, yeah
... "Hey, what's something you did in your lifetime-
[laughs]
-that you want to anonymously admit?" Or something like that.
Yeah, yeah.
So it m- it made me pull up r/confession.
Oh!
And so I have this headline here: "I have lied to my son about manatees for the last 24 years." [laughing]
[laughing]
I have no idea what- where this is gonna go. [laughing]
[laughing]
"24 years ago, my six-year-old son got me a birthday present. It was a mug with a picture of a manatee on it. He got upset when I wasn't sufficiently thrilled with his gift. I assured him that I loved it, saying that manatees were my favorite animals in the whole wide world."
[laughing]
"Since then, manatee-themed items have been my default gift from him-
[laughing]
... manatee shirts, manatee calendars, manatee beer steins, and so much more. 24 years of manatee items dispray- displayed proudly in my home.
[laughing]
"My, my confession is that manatees are not my favorite animal in the whole wide world, never have been. I have nothing against them, and they seem like gentle creatures, but they hold no, no fascination for me. I only said I loved manatees to soothe the feelings of my young son over two decades ago. Year after year, I rolled with the lie because it was harmless, and I was in too deep to tell him the truth. Now, my deception has reached its zenith. Next year, I'm turning 55, and he is turning 30. For Christmas-
[laughing]
... my son has booked a trip for the two of us to go to Florida to see manatees. My son is so excited for this trip-
[laughing]
... and is telling everyone in our family about it. Even my ex-wife is gushing about my trip to finally see the manatees."
Oh, my God.
"Of course, I am thrilled to spend time and have an adventure with my son. I'm grateful for his thoughtfulness and love for his old man. We will have a lovely time together and make great memories, and I will continue the deception about the manatees, which are not my favorite animals-
[laughing]
-in the whole wide, wide world." [laughing] And the top comment: "You're gonna have to take this, uh, secret to your grave, I'm afraid."
[laughing] Yeah.
[laughing] Yeah, that's honestly it.
That's why you don't lie to your kids. [laughing] Manatees are my favorite. Oh, man.
I know you can't really even, like, touch manatees either.
Yeah.
Uh, it's something that, like, they're so lovable to people that they'll get hurt.
Huh?
Like, like, I think the thing is, is that they'll, they'll, they'll, like, swim up and hug you-
Oh!
... and sometimes they'll get, um, injured by boats because they'll wanna go up to the people.
So manatees are kind of dumb, too?
Yeah.
[laughing]
They're, they're kind of like pandas. [laughing]
[laughing] Oh, that's one of the funniest posts I've heard in a while.
Yeah.
Yeah. [laughing]
Someone-
This guy's got manatee crap all over his house. [laughing]
Someone said, "They are the animal that has bonded you and your son for life. Imagine a 30-year-old wanting to go on a trip with their dad to look at their favorite animal. Manatees are now your favorite animal."
[laughing] Absolutely, dude.
But what if he did something heinous? What if he was like, "You know what? I wanna tell my son I hate them-
[laughing]
-as a matter of fact," pulls out a knife, just-
[laughing] Oh, geez!
... stabs the manatee. [laughing]
[laughing] Oh, geez, Peaches. [upbeat music] Peaches, I don't know how I've never been to r/confession on Reddit.
I think we've talked about it before.
It... You know, we've done like, um, there's another one with a similar name, like, uh, True Off My Chest. That's kind of like r/confession, but the headlines in here are much funnier. True Off My Chest tends, tends to be kind of dark. These ones, I mean, it's, it's not like it's good, [laughing] but they did make me laugh.
I, I need to, uh-
Like the manatee one, but I told you about this one: "I sucker-punched a fat kid in a changing room-
[laughing]
... because he was being annoying." [laughing]
[laughing] Can you, can you sort, uh, replies by controversial in that post?
Uh, I think so. Hang on.
'Cause I can't do it on the app, I don't think. I'm trying to find the controversial responses to the manatee post.
Oh, okay, go back to the manatee. I was gonna-
Oh, you can pull up the controversial ones in the fat kid post, too.
[laughing] Let's see. Uh, it's just people yelling at him about, uh, you know, hitting people, which, yeah, you shouldn't hit people. But let's see the controversial-
You know what?
... manatee responses.
I gotta disagree. I have to disagree according to Jade's rules-
[laughing]
... and also, like, if there's a fat kid being annoying-
[laughing]
... put them in their place. [laughing] At one point, I was that fat kid.
[laughing]
Did I get punched? Yeah.
All right, let's see here. Controversial, somebody said, "Okay, but what if your fake love for manatees has triggered a real love for them for your son? Seems he really loves them, and you two bonding over them is probably a good thing."
That's stupid.
"You ungrateful..." And then he calls him a really bad word. [laughing]
Oh, all right.
[laughing] "I'd give anything for someone to spend 24 years sending at least what they thought I loved to me." Geez, guys-
You should-
... settle down a little bit.
You should have seen this post that, uh, I even commented on, I participated in. 'Cause we've talked about before how fast food restaurants, they're not really catering to people walking in anymore.
Yeah.
They just want you to order at the kiosk.
Mm-hmm.
And, well, uh, somebody was complaining that Jimmy John's, I think... Yeah, s- uh, this guy, uh, uh, [laughing] in the group, I Hate Life in Rexburg and You Will Too, um, says, "I guess Jimmy John's isn't dine in anymore or something. Just sat at the register for five minutes while all the employees stared at me until I walked out."
[laughing]
So I replied saying, "Same thing has happened to me at both Taco Bell and Jack in the Box."
Mm-hmm.
"I, I have sat there at the counter-
Yeah.
... and sure enough, they're just catering to the drive-thru." There's this one Taco Bell location where they blast, like, early 2000s hip hop in the kitchen, and they... Uh, if I were to yell, 'Hey, I need my order taken!' they still would not be able to hear me.
Yeah, I, uh, if I'm gonna order for pickup from a fast food place, I always order to pick up in the drive-thru. 'Cause it seems like it takes way longer if I pick it up inside. You know, even if you're ordering pickup. I don't remember the last time I just walked up to a counter, tried to order.
But yeah, I'm looking at the responses here. Um-
People yelling at you?
There, there was one guy that was going off, and I mean going crazy-
[laughing]
... talking about how, like, "Just go through the drive-thru. Um, you could have said something, you moron."
[laughing]
It was a whole thing.
... [chuckles] I mean, I guess you could try speaking up like, "Uh, you guys, you open for business? Can I get a sandwich?"
Like, uh, so yeah, I commented my whole paragraph thing, and the guy said, "So, uh, there's kiosks for a reason."
[laughing]
But- and then the, the other person who posted the thing said, "Why do they keep the registers up front if they are cl- if there are clearly kiosks?"
Oh, you know what? I just remembered the last time I went into a fast food place and tried to order inside. It was at Wendy's, and I was trying to use the kiosk, and I was trying to use my, uh, rewards, you know? And, uh, you're supposed to, like, scan it and this and that, and it just, just wouldn't work. So I ended up having to get the, like, manager over. I mean, this took me a long time, but the manager came over, and he just ended up like, you know, punching it in on the regular computer and zeroing out that item. I didn't even use my re- rewards, but the kiosk didn't work. You know? It was, it was just not working properly.
It is super annoying we have to deal with that kind of crap.
Yeah.
We just had something like that happen at Cafe Rio, where they're like, "Oh, we have a deal right now, two for 20." And we go up to the register, and we order what we wanted for the two-for-20 deal, and they're like, "Well, you need to have it on the app. You need to have it in your inbox. You need to scan it." And so w- we were told th- through the advertisement before that, you can just show them the flyer.
Yeah.
But then the girl at the register said, "No, you have to have the certain barcode and-
Yeah, that's why I'll, I'll give it up to McDonald's. You just roll in and give them the code. It's all you gotta do. You know, a lot of other places, you try to use your rewards or offers in the app, and it, it just... You have to do it through the app for pickup or something. You- McDonald's is, like, the- all out. They're like, "Uh, however you wanna do it, we'll get you the deals," which is why I tend to end up going there, you know. And I- you know, in the past, we talked about this in the last year, apps used to have a lot of really good deals. A lot of these fast food places are not giving out good offers in their apps anymore.
Well, Black Friday sucks now, too.
Yeah, everything pretty much sucks now. [chuckles]
Just any, any sale, like, if, if it's 30% off, it's a horrible sale. Like, it has to be more than 50 for me to be like, "Oh, okay, cool!"
Yeah, well, 'cause, you know, the original price is so high of everything now that, you know, you get a deal, it's- you're like, "Okay, this is what it was priced a few years ago."
Right.
You don't feel like you're getting a deal, you know? It's a bunch of crap, Peaches.
[chuckles]
A bunch of bullcrap! Anyway, all this food talk's getting me hungry.
I know.
That's why it's a good time to end this show and go get a, a snack. All right, bye, people. [upbeat jazz music]
The noon hour of Madness and Mayhem is a production of Riverbend Media Group. For more information or to contact the show, visit riverbendmediagroup.com. [upbeat jazz music]