[upbeat music] The noon hour of Madness and Mayhem, the podcast.
The beast is back! Peaches in the house. What's up?
I was about to be like, "Where's Justin?"
[laughing]
No, I'm here.
He, he's around, too.
No kidding.
He's around as well.
Yeah.
So, yeah.
Well, I, I, again, showed up this morning, and I had to use the restroom. So I [chuckles] the door's unlocked. I open it. One of the new people-
Ah, they don't know the, uh-
They, they don't know how to lock a door? Like, what's going on?
Yeah, I mean, technically there are two toilets in there, but it's a small bathroom. You know, it, it's-
And my head peaks over.
[laughing]
I don't want to see Logan doing his business.
[laughing] Uh, we n- they'll learn over time, as everybody else does, 'cause everybody locks the door. You know?
Maybe what I should do is I should just walk in there. If somebody's in the stall with the, the stall door locked, I'll go to the urinal, I'll grab a handful of water from the sink ... Not the urinal, I'm not a madman.
[laughing]
From the sink, and just throw it over like a hook shot, like Kareem, over the stall-
Yeah
... right onto, like, uh, either Logan or Jeff's head. I know it's ei- either one of them.
Do you think that would be considered an at-work assault?
Maybe.
It could be.
But it's worth it.
Maybe we'll ask Lieutenant Crane about that on Friday with Traffic School, 'cause there was a, a guy in Florida who threw a ketchup packet at somebody, and he got charged with felony battery.
Well, that's also a physical item, I feel like. You know?
Yeah, I-
It's, it's still a ketchup packet, I mean, as stupid as that sounds.
Yeah. Like-
But this is just water. This could be ... It, it, we could s- I could be like, "Whoa, what are you talking about? I didn't throw water on you, just back splash from what you're doing."
[laughing]
You know?
That's true.
Something like that.
You might be able to make that kind of case.
"I'll look up at the roof. There's ... Is there a leak?"
[laughing]
Something like that.
Well, that'd be one way for him to learn to lock the door, 'cause yeah, it's always awkward when you burst in there and somebody's in there.
I might just start kicking the door like Shrek.
[chuckles] Just kick it open?
Yeah, kick it open.
Like when ... R- Arthur Morgan style?
Yeah.
Just bash through the door-
Sure
... to make your way in.
Yeah.
Everybody's all startled. "Whoa! [chuckles] What's happening here?"
"I got a plan."
[laughing]
Well, that wasn't what I wanted to talk about, but-
Well, it's okay
... should we save it for the next break, or? [chuckles]
Yeah, let's save it for the next break.
[laughing]
Lock the door in the bathroom, people. Come on, now. [upbeat music] This is the noon hour of Madness and Mayhem. I'm Victor.
I'm Peaches, and I know I shouldn't laugh during this whole thing, but I'm going to anyway, 'cause it's just too funny [laughing] to me.
I can't wait.
So there was this girl I went to middle school with. We all went to middle school, me and all my friends.
Mm-hmm.
We all went to the same middle school. My friend Zach, uh, I, I think, got stood up by her.
Okay.
They were supposed to go on this coffee date. He shows up. She texts him right as he gets there saying, "Hey, if you thought I was gonna be here, then you thought wrong," or something like that.
[laughing] Geez.
But karma got her badly, 'cause-
Oh, okay
... um, apparently she's one of those people that puts all of her pr- problems and issues on social media.
Oh, yeah.
And it's quite funny. I, I, I can't go into the, the content here, but this, this is just the beginning.
Okay.
All right? This is ... I, I'm safe saying this: "I'm so tired of being silent. My family abandoned me and took Savannah after my baby dad left me to fend for myself. The rest I can't say."
Oh, okay.
It's a full-on paragraph-
Wow
... as you can see here. And this is all talking about her problems, and it's funny, [laughing] 'cause she tagged the guy. [laughing]
[laughing]
She tagged the guy. On top of that, "@insertnamehere has been financially abusing me as well." [laughing]
Gee. All right, Peaches.
[laughing]
Yeah, like you said, it's not nice to laugh at that.
[laughing]
Just 'cause she stood a friend up on a coffee date.
What makes me laugh is that she puts #justiceforall, hashtag-
Oh, no
... corporate greed, #familyisn'talwaysblood.
[laughing] Wow.
[laughing] There's more hashtags.
[laughing]
#firstamendment, #freedomofspeech.
Okay.
So I used my, my freedom of speech-
So she went political?
Yes, and um ... No, she didn't go political. She just, uh, talked about this whole, like, dealing with people in court type of thing. I don't know.
Okay, okay.
But I, [chuckles] I used my freedom of speech to take that, [laughing] take that whole paragraph and put it in Suno and say, "Hey, make a song about this." [laughing]
[laughing] Oh, geez, Peaches.
Then I put it in the Discord call, and we all listened to it.
[laughing]
And it included all the hashtags and everything.
[laughing]
All right, I know financial abuse and all of that is not funny, but-
No
... just [laughing] the, the fact that you share it on Facebook. Please, it's not your personal diary.
Yeah, no.
Everyone you know is on there.
Exactly.
[chuckles]
You know, try to keep your personal stuff close to yourself. You know?
I mean, employers can just pull up your, uh, your profile and look at ... No matter how much you try to hide it-
Oh, yeah
... they'll still-
They'll find it.
Yeah, they'll, they'll find it, for sure.
Yeah. Yeah.
I know Jade talks about he does some, some digging on people's profiles, and I'm sure he did a well, uh, what's it called? An inspection, a w- a whole inspection on my Facebook before he hired me here.
Yeah. Oh, yeah, I, I, I inspected your Facebook to make sure you behaved yourself.
Yeah.
You know, weren't posting crazy California stuff in odd language.
I don't have pictures of a, a particular thing all over my [chuckles] you know-
[laughing] That's right
... the, the green stuff.
Look at Peaches' coffee table!
Cali vibes.
My goodness. [upbeat music] Yo, it's the noon hour of Madness and Mayhem with me, Victor.
And Peaches here-
And Peaches here
... back from California.
He's back. The beast is back.
That's right.
All right.
Put that on a T-shirt. Sell it right away.
I, I'm pretty sure there's probably already a shirt that says that, right?
I think so. I think it was one of those wannabe-tough 12-year-olds that wore a shirt like that from Nike-
Yeah
... that said, like, "Unleash the Beast," I'm like, "Yeah, that's right."
Like, when I-
I call myself that
... when I was a kid, one of the popular brands was No Fear.
Oh.
You remember those? [chuckles]
Yeah, yeah.
No Fear.
What about Tapout?
[laughing] Oh, Tapout!
[laughing]
Yeah, that's tough, too.
I'm like a UFC fighter-
[laughing]
... without the skill.
So you said you had, uh, something?
Yeah, we, we hiked to the Hollywood sign.
Yes.
Yeah, that was very early on in the vacation, so-
Okay
... um, we didn't hike all the way. Um, w- my, my friends, by the way, they were obsessed with the minivan that I rented.
... obsessed with it though.
My friend Jose has never been inside a minivan ever. That shows you how, uh, wealthy that guy is.
Okay. [laughs]
"What is this thing?"
[laughs]
So he sat in the very far back, and we were going uphill-
Mm-hmm
... to the, to, uh, or to the Hollywood Sign trail, sort of. Not the trail itself, but more so like maybe, like, the way to, like, be in front of it.
Yeah.
There's so many different trails up to it.
Oh, yeah.
It was just one of the many, but we were going through the rich, the rich Hollywood Hills neighborhood.
Mm-hmm.
Not even the wealthiest kind, like the, the, the lower-tier kind.
Yeah.
And so I'm going up the hill in a van full of five people, pl- of course, including me, so it's already weighed down, and we go up the hill, and I almost do a peel-out on the minivan.
[laughs]
And my friend Jose freaks out. So we go up- finally go up to the... near the Hollywood Sign, and you know how they always try to sell you stuff, like, in, uh, in LA-
Yeah
... or most big cities, they'll be like, "Hey, you want your picture with this?" Uh-
Mm-hmm
... and then they try to charge you, like, 30 bucks for a photo.
Mm-hmm.
This person was trying to say, "Hey, you want to take a picture with these goats that we have here-
[laughs]
... by the Hollywood Sign?"
Goats.
Because for some reason, I need to do that.
[laughs] Okay.
And, [laughs] uh, well, on the way back from the Hollywood Sign, 'cause we said no to those people, um, they have a whole flock, or I don't know what a herd of goats is actually called-
I guess a herd?
... a herd of goats, um, just waiting for people to take pictures with.
[laughs] What? Why?
And one of them, named Betty, tries to commit suicide-
What?
... [laughs] by the, the- this guy had two goats tied to each other via, with, with a rope.
Okay.
And so Betty sees a hill, or sees, like, a downward drop. Uh, the goat, Betty, she drops, or she jumps off the side, and the other goat tied to her just, you know, gets yanked.
Holy cow!
And, and the one before that even happened, the guy's, like, telling some random tourist, "Grab Betty before she jumps!"
[laughs]
Like, what is the tourist going to do with a full-on goat?
Yeah! Goats are probably pretty strong. I've never tried to, uh, wrestle one that's tied to a rope, but-
Oh, they were calling it Goatywood. That was the name of their business.
Goatywood.
Goatywood, yeah. You take a picture with the goats for, like, I don't know how, how much money, but I'm sure it's ridiculous.
That's bizarre.
Yeah.
And were people taking pictures with the goats?
Um, some people. I mean, you get tourists from all around the world, so people who are not necessarily from here and don't know the sleazy ways of, uh, certain-
Mm-hmm
... certain people here. Um, yeah.
"Here's my mixtape."
Oh, yeah.
[laughs]
Oh, yeah, we passed by one of those people.
Really? [laughs]
Oh, yeah, and we... And there's, they're still handing out the CD.
Who has CD players anymore?
In 2026, they're still-
[laughs]
... handing out that classic CD, and I told Aubrey ahead of time, I'm like, "If any person tries to hand you anything, you don't look at them. Look down-
[laughs]
... and you keep walking. Pretend you can't even hear them. Pretend they're not even there."
Yep. [laughs]
And my friend Matt apparently has done that before, where he's, uh, been handed something, and they go, "It's 20 bucks," and then [laughs] my friend Matt will just chuck it on the ground as hard as he can.
[laughs]
Like, he'll break the CD. [laughs] I'm like, "Dude, I wouldn't mess with those guys."
Yeah, you never know. That's-
There's, there's teams of them. You don't know, all of a sudden, they could come out of the woodworks and, you know-
Yeah
... come after you.
Might end up getting stabbed or something.
But who wakes up in the morning and says, "You know, I'm gonna sell my CD on Hollywood Boulevard?"
Apparently, a lot of people, based on the times I've been there.
I mean, who says, like, "I'm gonna sell fruit on Hollywood Boulevard"? I saw a bunch of those people, too.
[laughs] Selling fruit, huh?
Just selling fruit. Like, "I'm gonna sell my oranges on Hollywood Boulevard today."
[laughs] Okay.
How much money do those people make?
I... You wouldn't think too much selling fruit.
Do they drive from a, a way far away area, or do they actually live right there? 'Cause if they live right there, they have to pay over a grand a month in rent.
Oh, yeah.
They have to sell a whole lot of oranges, bananas, and all that to really make up for that.
But if you're overcharging, uh, tourists, you might be able to make pretty good money, you know?
So how would you pitch them? Say it's a California-grown orange and-
Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's like-
Straight from the field.
Straight from the field, organic, grown here.
[laughs] They went to Ralphs and got a giant bag of-
Mm-hmm
... organic oranges.
[laughs]
Not even organic kind, probably cheap kind.
Yeah, just whatever the cheapest ones they could find, and then, you know, you, you put the sales pitch on.
Maybe next time I should try doing that, just to see how much money I could make.
You should! Come back, you're filthy rich.
Oh, yeah.
You're like, "Dude, I'm out of here." [upbeat music]
I'm leaving KBEAR to sell fruit on Hollywood Boulevard.
This is the noon hour of Madness and Mayhem, and I'm Victor.
I'm Peaches, and I, uh, got you with a, with a quote this morning that made you kind of, uh, upset, that a certain, uh, prolific figure has said something about your favorite city, Burley, Idaho.
Oh, yeah. Like, what, what... Didn't he say, "I've never seen anywhere more beautiful than Burley?"
Yeah, this, uh, president of the LDS Church, President Oaks-
Yeah
... um, said, uh, I think they were opening up some sort of temple.
Yeah, they opened the new Burley Temple.
And so [laughs] I think he said in his speech... I was trying my best to find it, just to find any article about it, but I, I guess I'm assuming he said, "I have never seen a place more beautiful than Burley, Idaho."
Okay.
I don't know if that's true or not.
Um-
I heard it from my girlfriend's sister, and previously, her family has given me some news that wasn't true, like somebody won the giant billion-dollar jackpot in Florida. That wasn't the case.
Okay, so it might not be true, 'cause, I mean, he's from Salt Lake. Salt Lake is more beautiful than Burley.
Absolutely.
[laughs] Without question.
What about Mountain Home? More beau- is Mountain Home-
Ooh
... more beautiful than Burley?
They're pretty similar. [laughs]
They are.
They're both pretty ugly. [laughs]
It kind of, kind of reminds me of, like, Bakersfield, California.
[laughs] Yeah.
Whether it's... It's, the, the California's in the name, but when you get there, you're like, "Oh, this is a dump."
Yeah.
Stockton even, Fresno-
[laughs] Yeah
... the entire middle of the state.
[laughs] I know. People think about California as just being, you know, like, this, uh, you know, coastal, tropical-like paradise or something. There's a lot of crappy desert in California. [laughs]
Like, like Modesto, California.
[laughs]
Modesto represent! Like, what are you representing, a pile of dirt? [laughs]
[laughs] Like, the, the drive from Salt Lake to Burley would be more beautiful than Burley. [laughs]
I'm sure I offended a lot of people that too, that moved here from that area. Like, uh, I think Melissa, who's down the hallway-
Yeah?
... she is from some tiny little town in the northernmost point of California. I don't even consider that California. I consider that, like, Nowhereville.
Well, Northern California's pretty nice.
Eh.
You know? It's, at least the areas I've been.
San Francisco is dumpy.
Yeah, I've never been to-
Literally dump-y.
[laughs] Yeah.
Yeah.
I've never been to San Fran. I've, uh, driven past it, but that was about it. Um, but, like-
I, I haven't gone northern than San Francisco. I've only ever stopped there.
Ah, like, if you're... Well, and I guess I should say the coastal towns, you know, like Eureka and, I don't know, s- some of the others that are up there toward the, uh, Oregon border.
I'm sorry, but Victorville kind of sucks, too.
Victorville-
That's, uh-
... is a dump.
That, the more inward you go in California, like, if you go northern inward-
Yeah
... you're just gonna see desert and nothing.
Yeah. It, it, it sucks, dude. It sucks. It's like, you know, Burley. [laughs]
Is it Susanville, California that I know somebody from?
Uh, s-
Another one of those where you feel like Burley is slightly better.
[laughs] Really?
And that's saying something.
Wow. [upbeat music]
The noon hour of Madness and Mayhem is a production of Riverbend Media Group. For more information or to contact the show, visit riverbendmediagroup.com. [upbeat music]