... [upbeat music] The noon hour of Madness and Mayhem, the podcast.
[upbeat music] You know, Victor, this might be, uh, TMI, but you ever just wear the pants the next day, the same pants you wore the day before?
Oh, all the time.
And keep it going?
Oh, all the time, dude. I mean, not underwear, but-
Not underwear-
But-
Just p- just jeans
... pants? Yeah, jeans, multiple days in a row.
'Cause I-
If they don't stink, I'm like, "These are fine."
I do this weird thing where I'll take my pants off [laughs] as I get home, and I'll just kick them to my bedroom.
Yeah.
And they're on the floor there-
There you go
... with a belt and everything.
Yep.
Then the next morning comes around, I have my alarm always set for 7:30. I, I, I might need to adjust it, I just don't wanna wake up even earlier.
I don't blame you.
But I'll wake up, and I'll be like, "Oh, great, what should I wear? I mean, do I wanna put on new pants? No, I'll just put on the ones from the day before."
Yeah, I'll give, I'll give them a... The sniff test, like [sniffs].
So now you're s-
Okay
... you're sniffing your pants.
Sniffing my own butt.
Taking a big whiff. [sniffs]
And I'm like, "Oh, these ones stink!"
These ones smell like number two. All right.
I'm like, "Uh, these gotta go. That's too much stink," but-
The worst is when you wash them, and you put them in the dryer for one cycle, then you put the- you hang them up, and then you take them out, and they're damp.
Yeah, I don't like that.
And, and you wear that, and you go out in the cold.
Oh, it's terrible! Yeah, luckily, my new dryer I got, like, a year or so ago, it does a really good dra- drub, a job of drying the pants, so-
Good for you.
I, I don't have a problem.
We're talking about freaking laundry on the air. [laughs]
Hey, l- you know what I did last night, Peaches? Some laundry.
I need to do mine.
Putting away clothes. Yeah.
This is where, this is when I begin my cycle of being very anxious of, uh, having to deep clean my apartment in order for my plane to take off.
Oh, you... 'Cause, yeah, you wanna come back to a nice, clean place.
Right.
Yeah, it sucks coming home and your house is dirty.
Yeah.
Or if you-
You know who's dirtying it up? Aubrey.
That's what happens, Peaches!
She's leaving scrapbooking bits everywhere. The... She does this thing. I'm not trying to call her out on the air here, but a lot of people do this. She'll drink half a soda-
Mm-hmm
... and leave it on the, on the table, and I, I have this thing in me from my dad, where I hear him yelling at me in my head. [laughs] "Why, why, how could you leave that, you pigsty?"
[laughs]
Just starts mumbling, and so I, I immediately go, grab that cup, and throw it away. I'm like: "Hey, finish your drink or dump it in the sink, then throw it away."
Oh, yeah. Well, be lucky, you know, you, you don't live in a house, um, like I did back in the day, where you have, like, four dudes living in a place-
Wow
... and all of them drink beer. You wouldn't believe the half-filled cans everywhere. It's ridiculous.
That's why I'm glad I pay a little extra to not have any roommates at all.
Mm-hmm.
I don't care how much, how much it is, I just don't want to deal with anybody in my space. My friends are on, online, singing all these weird songs at w- late hours of the night. I could not imagine trying to sleep and having to hear someone just bust out a tune at 2:00 AM-
Mm-hmm
... on the computer.
Yeah. Luckily, I sleep pretty heavily-
I don't
... so it's hard to wake me up.
I need absolute quiet, absolute darkness. That's why I had such a thing with my, uh, upstairs neighbor.
Oh, 'cause they're, you know, they're making a little bit of racket.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
All right, the reason why I brought up the whole laundry thing is because in r/todayilearned, which also I hate that phrase, today I learned-
[laughs]
... that Levi's recommends that jeans be worn 10 times between washes.
10? No, that's too many. That's-
This is also one of those stupid breaks where I feel like it could be perfectly set up for one of those dumb morning shows. "How often do you wash your pants?"
Maybe you should-
Never!
[laughs] How many... Maybe that should be Peach's, uh, question of the day. You know, "How many times do you wear your pants before you wash them?"
And of course, who am, what am I gonna expect? "I never put my pants on, especially when there's ladies around."
[laughs]
You know?
"I never wash my pants. Uh, they're-
Pants? Who, who is she?
... I just put them outside to air out. They'll be fine."
Right.
Oh.
Stains add character.
[laughs] That's right. I like to show I've been doing manly stuff.
I, I spilled this IPA on these back in 1986.
[laughs]
40 years later, it's, it's just a nice, uh, nice cologne. I'm set.
I know you would think that me being like, "Wash your hands, keep yourself clean," uh, that I'd be one of those people who would, uh, only wear the pants once, but laundry sucks, dude.
It's a lot of work to be a germaphobe.
Yeah, it, it can be, but I'm gonna wear my pants multiple days in a row.
What about h- hoodies?
Oh, hoodies, multiple days in a row, for sure. T-shirt, nah, 'cause these, th- they start to smell. Generally, you have a hoodie over the shirt. It's kind of like the pants. You know, the underwear is taking most of the abuse. [laughs]
Come on, be honest, how many, how many days have you worn a pair of underpants?
I mean, maximum two.
All right.
You know, maximum two, and that's when I wake up in them the next day, and I don't, like, shower or anything. I just sit around. That's it.
Is it bad I put on fresh underpants, fall asleep in them, wake up, and just put on my jeans [laughs] and a shirt?
That's a waste of laundry, Peaches. [upbeat music] [laughs]
All right, Victor, you like to give out unsolicited advice from time to time on the air-
What are you talking about?
... which is probably the reason why we're losing listeners.
[laughs]
Um, I saw this posted in r/slash, uh, askmenadvice.
Okay.
And it says, "Women in relationships going to clubs."
Okay.
Now, if you have some loudmouth girl that goes, "M- my man i- sh- is insecure if I go to a club by myself and men hit on me," type of thing.
Okay. I mean-
What, what's, what's your, uh, stance on that?
I, I don't like it when, uh, dudes are hitting on my lady. You know-
But where's the, uh, the-
I trust her to, I trust her to, like, deal with it. I'm not worried about it
... The wall doesn't work.
But it's-
I hate when the B bar does not work. I can't play, like, club music to work behind this.
Ah, yeah, you have to-
This is stupid.
You have to play-
Okay, let me pull up a YouTube video.
There you go, [laughs] club music on YouTube.
Oh, wait, no, I don't wanna do that either. Wait, hold on. Hold on.
Yeah.
Let me look up, uh, club beats.
All right, club beats. So yeah, like, I don't like it when dudes are hitting on my lady.
These are all explicit. Never mind.
[laughs] They're all explicit. But- [upbeat music] I don't know, I also trust my lady, so-... Now, she's saying going by herself, like all by herself, or with friends, group of friends?
Uh, this one just says, uh, "I have a friend who is married, who is often inviting me out to nightclubs and to go drink- drinking. Firstly, I'm a married woman. I'm not going out clubbing. Secondly, I'm too tired from working and my toddlers to stay up, uh, past nine thirty. I was talking about it with my husband, and I told him it's bizarre that my friend, as a married woman, goes clubbing.
I-
He thought it was strange, too."
I think it's fine to get out of the house. I think people need to have their own time, for sure. Now, like, I wouldn't recommend that a woman just go out on the town by herself. I, I think she should have friends with her, 'cause guys are, can be a bunch of creeps.
Right!
You know? I've told you about when I go downtown, seems like there's a problem every time, somebody trying to fight me or something. Like-
Why are they trying to fight you specifically?
I don't know! Something about my face.
See, I always get, like, the, "Hey, big guy, how's it going?"
Yeah, see-
Like the-
... maybe it's because I'm not your size or what.
Or, like, "Hey, you're bigger than our security."
So, you know, just the issues that I constantly see, it wouldn't- it makes me worried, you know?
I don't know what... I don't know what it is about me, but I get this, like, open invitation. I must have, like, this open invitation on me for people to just aggressively smack my back and say, "What's up, big guy?"
[laughing]
'Cause sometimes those things hurt.
Well, yeah, 'cause especially if you're at the bar or something, that's drunk people, and they're not paying attention to-
[chuckles]
- how hard they're smacking you in the back.
Every concert.
Hey, big guy, yeah!
Every concert's like that.
[laughing] True that.
"Hey, Jesus, how you doing? You got the best seat."
[laughing] You know, d- drunk people lose a little bit of self, uh, control, so they're gonna slap you back harder and probably be a little bit more annoying.
I'm trying this club you talk-
But I don't think it's weird for, uh, people to go out clubbing. I just, you know, think that, uh, you should do it with friends and things like that.
Well-
I don't know.
One person says-
I think it's safe.
One person says, "My ex-wife would go to clubs without me. She would go on vacations without me, too. She's an ex for a reason."
[laughing]
Clubbing in America sounds... I- it's, it sounds way more fun than what it actually is.
Yeah, and-
Like, you, you go to a place where you can't even talk to your friends, 'cause the music is so loud. You have to scream the entire time.
Yeah.
If you, if you're with, like, a friend, or you're with, like, a girl or whatever, they're always, you know, gonna get the attention. No dude is ever gonna get attention unless they're, like, John Stamos or something like that.
Yeah.
No, no girl is ever gonna come up to me, out of all things, [chuckles] out of, out of all people, and be like, "Hey, hey there, big fatty," like... [laughing]
Well, see, in, like, a club-type environment like you're talking about, yeah, that sounds terrible. Like, going to the bar, if it's fairly mellow-
I hate the bar, too
... and people are just sitting-
I just hate the bar.
Like, yeah, that's, that's a different world. Like, I would not wanna go to one of those places where the music is just bumping loud, and you can't talk. Like, that, that is just not my jam.
'Cause if I dance, everyone's gonna pull out their phones.
And if it's a club, yeah, I'd, like... I wouldn't want my lady dancing around with other dudes or something. I, I don't know. I guess, we don't have a lot of, like, club-like environments around here, so it's a hard question to answer.
We got, like, Ford's Bar. [chuckles] Yeah.
And I would not... Okay, you know, that's its own crowd, its own crowd, but, uh, d- like I said, my jam's more of a little, little more subdued.
I, I would go-
Go hang out with the bikers.
Back when I was single, I went there a few times with a group of friends, and I was always just, like, that big guy sitting down, doing absolutely nothing, just looking around. I'm like, "I could just sit at home and do this."
Yeah. Yeah. No, I wanna be able to, like, talk.
With better smells.
I'd rather just talk.
Me too!
You know, that's what I wanna do if I'm out on the town.
Right.
Sit down and talk. I don't wanna dance. I don't want loud music. I'm old, Pete.
You know that person with, like-
Turn it down!
... three teeth coming up to you, "Hi, Victor," and their breath smells like-
Mm-hmm
... stale cigarettes and pizza and-
Exactly.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Gross. [upbeat music] I don't know if this person is schizophrenic or what is going on. This was posted in What Should I Do? "More weird traces of someone in the house, but my parents are not as worried as me still. I feel crazy, like Van Gogh."
Okay.
Someone said, "Six months ago here, I posted a photo of weird footprints on my couch after getting back from a trip, but eventually, my parents chalked it up to my dad stepping on it to kill a wasp on the window and just forgetting he did that. But now, there are more unexplained traces of a person being here. My parents and I have just gotten back from a trip again, and my mom, who has been out of town for months, told me she found a weird, uh, uh, panty liner thing with some hair on it-
[chuckles]
... and some faint red stains on her new sheets."
Oh, no. Huh!
"No one has been in her room since she left months ago for work. The thing is, I don't know how it could be a s- i- how it could be a squatter, because our house is so small. No attic, no basement. No one is freaked out as I am, and I'm just a teenager, so I have no authority. What do I do?"
What you do is you buy cameras for your home. [chuckles]
Well, the top comment, "Is your dad having an affair?"
Oh!
Mm.
I- I mean, I guess it could be, but I would just say, buy cameras from your home if you're worried about, uh, intruders, and then you know who's coming and going, and y- you don't have to stress about this thing anymore. Cameras are cheap nowadays. You know, y- you can buy them dirt cheap online.
People get caught with cameras. You know-
Hmm
... the, the Coldplay concert, I talked about it yesterday, um, some restaurant did a promotional video. There was a guy in the background getting all cuddly with a girl.
Uh-huh.
Wasn't his wife.
Oh.
He got in trouble, now he's suing the restaurant.
Oh, geez. Well, don't cheat.
Yeah, exactly.
[chuckles] Don't cheat.
Don't be that person going to a club. Uh, you know, if I were, if I were to ever cheat in my life, I'd be the first to get caught.
Well, you're very-
You would see me anywhere.
Very noticeable.
Right.
I mean, and, and it's 2026, there's cameras everywhere. People have cameras in their pockets. Like, d- just don't be a dirtbag. Cheating is terrible. It's an awful thing to do to somebody. Just don't do it.
So it also says here, "So if your parents aren't concerned about this, then at least one of them knows what is going on."
Ooh.
"They're gone for months at a time. Magically, there's-
Hmm
... you know, footprints on the couch?"
Yeah, just, I'd be asking the parents-
All right
... "Hey, why don't you put a, a camera up? You know, why don't you stick a camera in the room while we're on vacation?"... you know, and whichever parent's like, "Ah, I don't think [chuckles] we need one of those!"
Right, your w- well, magically, your dad's sweating up a storm.
[laughing]
"I don't think we need a camera."
[laughing] Then you got your-
"I'll confess!"
Then you got your answers. [upbeat music]
Wrapping up the noon hour of Madness and Mayhem, I am Peaches.
I am Victor Wilt, and, uh, my, my break, Peaches, was just gonna be like, "Hey, remember down the hall? There's pizza, and we could be eating it instead of talking to the listeners." [laughing]
Well, the listeners want a quality show.
Well, y-
I don't care about those people who say, "I only, I only want music," because there's tons of other platforms out there for just music.
I know, but the listeners gotta understand, if they had the option of, uh, listen to us or have pizza, what do you think they're gonna go for? [laughing]
To piece their own. Would you rather eat pizza or listen to us-
[laughing]
... talk about whatever?
That's a good question. [laughing]
I feel like there's gonna be a lot of trolls.
I- oh, y- yeah, and I like those kind of, uh, questions that bring the trolls in.
I guarantee you there's gonna be multiple people that say either both or neither.
Uh, yeah, you'll have some of that, which is annoying. It's like, pick one.
The, the... Going back to that question, like, what's something harmless that makes people weirdly angry? When you post a voting poll on Facebook and you don't click on that option to get rid of peop- the ability for other people to add an option to the poll.
Oh, yeah, that's annoying.
You won't believe how many times on Facebook, like on Life in Idaho Falls or even our K Bear group, somebody will, uh, make a post or make a poll, and another person will add an option, and it'll just keep going.
Yeah.
And all of a sudden it becomes, like, 30 options. [chuckles]
I know, yeah. Please, if you're gonna make a poll, give your options and make sure people are not allowed to add additional options.
And don't be that person that says, "Where's the best pizza in Idaho Falls? And go!"
[laughing]
There was somebody fighting with me-
'Cause then you just get a list of every pizza place.
There was somebody fighting with me on Reddit about the, uh, me complaining about where's the snow? Like, that whole po- that whole, you know-
Yeah
... people posting about, "Where's the snow?" A- and some guy was like, "Well, it's just them for, to, to initiate conversation." I'm like, "No, it's a way for them to initiate, you know, some person to start screaming about climate change-
Yeah
... and then you just r- ar- argue with them or..." And then you get these old people, "I remember back in 1952, there was a winter where there was no snow at all," and-
It's the same thread every time.
Yeah.
And it's just boring.
Right.
Yeah.
And some guy was, like, insulting my car. I'm like, "Dude, my car's better than yours, okay?"
[laughing]
[chuckles] Like, he was like, "What, what kind of, uh, relic are you driving?" I'm like, "I'm driving a sweet 2020 Santa Fe. What about you, bum?"
[laughing] He's like, "Your car sucks, man."
Right.
"Ugh, get yourself-
Why don't you drive a Dodge Charger? [laughing]
[laughing]
Be risky out there. Start acting like you're Vin Diesel.
[laughing]
Family. Crash into the pole. [chuckles]
All right. See, I, I think we gave the listeners enough talk. You know, pizza or listening to us talk? Uh, pizza or talking, Peaches, what do you say?
Pizza or talking? Hmm.
Yeah, what do you wanna do?
It depends where the pizza's from-
[laughing]
... and what toppings there are. If there's pineapple, I'd rather, um, eat grass. Uh, you know-
Let's go get pizza.
I, I can answer like any Facebook user [chuckles] and start taking it too seriously.
[laughing] Sorry, listeners, we choose pizza over you. [upbeat music]
The Noon Hour of Madness and Mayhem is a production of Riverbend Media Group. For more information or to contact the show, visit riverbendmediagroup.com. [upbeat music]